


Frienzoned

by Neferit



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Community: masseffectkink, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Kink Meme, Romance, Spacer!Shepard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-11-07 04:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neferit/pseuds/Neferit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the sexual orientation is not completely obvious as it seems to be. Some liberties taken with the game. Kink meme inspired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Anon over at the kink meme said:
> 
>  
> 
> _So I can't be the only one who wanted their Fem Shep to jump Cortez right? So Shep and Cortez become very close friends. She helps him grieve and move on from losing his husband. I'd like to see her losing Thane and him being there for her. They end up falling for each other, but not knowing the other has too. Shep thinks he is only attracted to men, so just kinda puts her feelings for him aside and keeps tries to think of him only as a friend. She does things that drive him crazy, like getting undressed in front of him cuz he's not attracted, right? I'd like to see a lot of UST. They finally figure it out, maybe a crew member points it out? Go where you will with this. I just love Cortez!_
> 
>  
> 
> And I said – huzzah! Buh then I _'dared'_ to add my opinion to the prompt, as well as announcing another person who is likely to fill the prompt and immediately I was jumped for daring to speak up. Hm, I really knew there was a reason why so many prompts remain unfilled, huh. Almost prevented me for really filling the prompt – because hey, if my opinion, together with the announcement was a bother, it would suggest that my prompt fill would _also_ be a bother. So – so far I'm really wondering whether to actually post this at the meme, or just keep it here at and my own LJ.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** No hetero-/homo-/bisexual people were hurt in the making of this fanfic; I'm not here to "cure" anyone from their sexual orientation – I just decided to play on the note that maybe, _just maybe_ , Steve found some traces of bisexuality in him. I own nothing – but if you had free Jokers lazing around, feel free to send them over! ;)

 

Some months ago, his life had been pretty; he was happily married to a man he loved and who loved him back, they had nice flat at the colony and everything was fine. He would wake up sooner than Robert each morning, savouring the time before his husband awoke, and gazed upon the face of the person he loved so much.

His love, his _anchor_ in this crazy world.

Things changed abruptly. He was on the outer rims of the colony, repairing something when the Collector swarm stroke. The fate was unmerciful back then – his vehicle refused to work and when he started running back to the colony, his communicator came alive.

"Robert!" he yelled to the comm, desperation making him quicker, "I will come for you, don't worry!"

"Steve, do not dare come back – stay where you are, you would only got caught, too!"

He couldn't understand why his loved one doesn't want him back. "Robert?" he gasped to the comm, running as quick as he was able. Damn! Trust it to his luck to make him twist his ankle now of all the times!

"Steve," Robert's voice sounded calm and serene, "Promise me something. I love you – but I know you. Do not make this moment; do not make _me_ , your anchor – live, my love, _live_ for me."

"Robert?" he whispered to the comm, not wanting to believe what he heard. "Robert! Don't!"

But the comm remained dead, just like the colony, when he finally managed to drag himself there.

 

**-o.O.o-**

**  
**

Steve woke up with a startle, gasping for air like a fish out of its tank. Blasted nightmares. Every time he was trying for more than six hours of sleep and went to his bunk while not being completely drained, the nightmares came, leaving him trembling and scared.

He hated feeling so weak and helpless.

Look at the clock revealed it was about three in the morning. _'Damn it. Once again no more than about five hours of sleep.'_

Kicking the blanket aside, he reached for his pants and shirt. He won't fall asleep again, so he may as well make himself useful and look at the Kodiak thrusters again.

 

**-o.O.o-**

**  
**

" _I love you, Steve – but I know you. Do not make this moment, do not make_ me _, your anchor…"_

Steve knew he shouldn't listen to the last message he received from Robert as much and as often as he did. Especially not after waking up after another round of nightmares about the whole attack. But these moments, stolen in the dead of the night were usually the only moments he could steal just for Robert's voice.

Not this time, as it showed, when a discreet cough sounded from behind him, alerting him to someone's presence.

"Lieutenant?"

"Ah, Commander," he replied, straightening himself while trying to brush away the tears he felt falling. "I wouldn't have expected anyone awake at this hour."

"I would be happily sleeping, if I wasn't having those blasted Prothean nightmares again. Guess that getting yourself spaced doesn't help you to sleep peacefully, either," she finished, grimacing.

"I know the feeling," he said, closing the file and turning to face Shepard. "Every time I have too much time to think before I drop asleep, I dream… I dream of things. Of Robert."

"That's recording from the attack on the Ferris Fields, isn't it?" she asked quietly.

Steve nodded. "Yes. I had been working on some construction few clicks south from the station when the collectors hit. Robert somehow managed to get out of the field Collectors put up. And instead of running… he called me."

"He must have cared about you a great deal, your husband," offered Shepard, coming to stand beside him. He nodded. "He was afraid I wouldn't let go. But for him, I moved on. At least I thought so. But then the invasion hits and the only thing I grab is… is _this_ ," he said, feeling weak.

He turned to Shepard. "I mean – what's the point of moving on with your life when everything is going to hell?"

"Do not say that," said Shepard hotly. "If even _we_ start thinking that, we can drop trying to do anything and just sit and let the Reapers harvest us, for we already lost."

Steve was silent for a moment, before he replied to Shepard's declamation. "Yeah, you're right… but to tell the truth, I've never felt as alone as I do right now."

It was Shepard's turn to be quiet, her brain obviously rushing to decide on something. She gave him a small smile. "I know, Steve. Ever since I managed to hold off the Batarians at Elysium, I've felt the same – no one really comes closer, once they decorate you a hero." She snorted. "And the only one, who actually came and survived, is dying now. And I spend the last six months, when I could be with him grounded on Earth, not allowed to see anyone from my old crew. Tell me about taking way too many things for granted."

It was strange to see the woman, who had been strength personified to be so down. But then she looked up and quirked another smile. "I'm here, Steve. If you ever feel alone, just give me a shout."

Before he could say anything, she was gone; the only sound the door closing behind her.

"Thank you, Allison," he said into the silence, feeling calm as he didn't for very long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally managed to kick myself into writing more. Hey, I do have most of the ending I got planned written - but the space between beginning and the ending is giving me funny looks O.o

 

It wasn’t much of a surprise when Allison stood behind him again few days later, watching him checking the inertia damper coils.

“Is the shuttle okay?” she asked, careful not to startle him. It was quite surprising like someone who could be so loud and obviously dangerous could also be so quiet and non-threatening.

“Just double checking the coils, Commander,” he said, continuing to scan it with his omnitool. Her quiet presence was making him slightly nervous; he became unused to people watching him so intently.

“I always come down here to see you working your ass off, Lieutenant. Do you even take some down-time?” she asked, curious.

He decided to avoid direct answer. “I get my sleep, Commander. Flying tired is nearly worse than flying drunk.”

But Shepard seemed to be really intent on getting her answers from him that day. “What about your waking hours then? Any kind or R&R?”

Steve turned to face the Commander, suddenly tired of playing with words. “I used to sit in space dock and watch the ships flying by. I mean, it wasn’t something many people would enjoy – but watching a ship flying through the space, so graceful… It was almost like watching a manta ray in the ocean.”

She chuckled. “I know exactly what you mean – I used to do the same when I was kid, wreaking havoc at every space ship or station my parents were stationed at, only to disappear and be completely quiet, as I watched the ships fly by. I never told my parents where I went during those very suspicious silence periods – but I think they knew what I’ve been up to nonetheless.”

He chuckled, almost against his will. “The illustrious Commander Sheppard being a terror?”

She smiled fondly in return. “Oh yes. Very much so.” She looked at him, sombre again. “I know what you are trying to do, Steve,” she said. “But please, take some shore leave next time we are on Citadel. Go watch ships.”

He wanted to refuse, but then she said: “Do it for me.” And he just couldn’t refuse.

**-o.O.o-**

The docks had been pretty busy when he got off the Normandy for the first time the war started. There had been refugees everywhere on the Citadel, from little babies to people so old that Steve was wondering how old they truly were.

The observation deck near the docks had been rather quiet, though, and he was thankful for the peace, as he leant against the railings and watched ships fly by.

He felt a presence behind himself even before the person announced themselves.

“Allison,” he said, earning himself an amused snort. “And here I thought I might surprise you,” replied Shepard, coming to lean on the railings next to him.

“It really is amazing, isn’t it?” mused Allison, pointing at the cruisers flying gracefully through the space.

“Look,” pointed Steve, “that’s an old turian fregate; I think I recognize that signature. That ship definitely has seen battle recently… See that waver in her drive core emissions?”

“Makes me wonder what one turian ship do at the Citadel,” answered Allison, turning her head to look at him.

They were silent for a moment before he whispered: “She’s alone, limping, looking for a haven probably… They probably think it would be better if they went down fighting together with their families back at home…”

That struck a bit too close to home in him, and from the slight change in Allison’s stance he saw from the corner of his eye he knew that she knew. “Why do I have the feeling you are not talking about the Turians?”

Old pain gripped his heart at that. “I should have been there, Allison. With Robert.”

She pushed himself closer to him, draping an arm around him. “I’m happy you weren’t, Steve,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry about Robert – but if you were there with him, you would be dead, we would never met and I would probably be dead thousand times over without you flying that shuttle.”

He turned to look at her – she was completely serious, her eyes bright in the dimmed lights of observation deck. “Yeah,” he confessed, “that is probably the only good thing which came from that.”

Shepard gave him a small smile; looking at her made his stomach do a flip flop. “There will be more, Steve, once not everything is on our shoulders. We will not give up, you hear me?”

He nodded. He wanted to say something heart-warming to her, maybe something about kicking the Reapers where they belong and living happily ever after somewhere – but his eyes caught another ship entering the Citadel docks. He let out a surprised gasp, making Shepard to follow the look.

“That is an Alliance cruiser… What does it do in here?” she wondered aloud.

He pointed to the name written on the side of the ship. “ _SSV London_ – that cruiser had been decommissioned years ago; see? No guns on them.”

“Looks like the refugees found it in the shipyard and went on their merry way to salvage it. That’s Geneva class, right?” she asked, looking at him for affirmation. “That class always had been hard as granite; with certain beauty given to the stone and its indestructibility.”

They watched the ship fly by; its flight slow, yet with certain level of grace. Steve heard himself saying: “I’ve got to let go, Allison. For real this time.”

His companion nodded her head in agreement. “I’ve heard the refugees put up a memorial wall. Sounds like a plan, no?”

It did. But at the same time, his heart cried at giving up the last thing he had of Robert.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was one hell of a long wait, eh? I blame it all on Dragon Age - the game got me in its grasp again, and then i was browsing the kink meme and filling the prompts and... and... yeah, you got me here. And allowed myself to get dragged from my pretty Steve/FemShep fics. But still, it's completely DA's fault!

 

Sometimes, Steve wondered where Shepard spends all her shore leave they got on Citadel, when she wasn't with one of her crew. He remembered her mentioning 'a man who got close and she wasted half a year she could be with him in the brig while he was slowly wasting away'.

His name was Thane Krios, Steve learnt, he was Drell assassin, he had a son Shepard helped to save and final stage of Keprall Syndrome. His condition had been so bad that he just spent most of his time at the Huerta Hospital, leaving only when Shepard came, so they could have some downtime together at the nearby café.

He once saw them sitting there, when he walked around to meet one of his pilot friends who currently had been stuck in the hospital. They were just sitting there, gazing into each others eyes and holding hands. It felt like such a breach of their privacy that he quickly averted his gaze and disappeared into the hospital.

Once he saw her meeting with different Drell; this one obviously younger and of different colouring. Judging from the solemn looks on their faces they were discussing some serious matter.

That day Shepard came back to _Normandy_ pretty soon, only shortly after he himself had arrived, traces of tears visible on her cheeks. Usually, EDI welcomed Shepard back, asking about her shore-leave. This time, she wisely remained silent.

**-o.O.o-**

So far, Normandy had been flying all around, trying to save whatever possible in order to get them some much needed support for the push against the Reapers. Grissom Academy, where one of Shepard's former companions found her place, Palaven, Tuchanka...

Signs of destruction were everywhere, and the invasion began just recently.

It sure didn't help that the humanity, as the leading force, had itself been divided - Shepard side and Cerberus side. The thrice-damned organization, Cerberus, seemed to be intent on throwing sticks uner Shepard's legs all the time. It showed pretty clearly when they approached the Citadel and found the communication jammed.

Steve watched everything what was happening through the video feed installed in Shepard's helmet; how she spoke to Bailey about what is happening, how she interracted with her companions, discussing the best strategy with them...

And he also had seen how the Cerberus assassin, Kai Leng, stabbed the Drell, Thane Krios, in the chest, after the Drell stopped him from murdering the Salarian Councilor. The only word Shepard cried out, "Thane!", held so much emotion in it that Steve's own heart clenched at hearing that.

It didn't come as surprise later that day that Thane Krios is dying and that after his death, to which Allison had been present, the Commander disappeared without trace, leaving her crew running around the Citadel in worry.

**-o.O.o-**

_"The prayer was not for him, Commander."_

Allison was sitting at bar in Purgatory club, downing one drink after another, mixing all kinds of alcohol she could get her hands on. Whiskey, beer, wine, absinth, some of the asari stuff, even ryncol, cursing her mechanical metabolism which kept on absorbing all the poisons contained in some of the drinks.

_"He has already asked for forgiveness for the lives he has taken."_

Thane was dead and right now, all she wanted was to follow him.

_"His wish was for you."_

Signalling the barman for another drink, she downed the whiskey in front of her.

_"Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention."_

"Keep them coming, man. Now, I want that green thing over there." Green was nice. His scales were about the same shade of green.

_"Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve."_

There had been some murmur behind Allison, but as she downed another shot of tequila – variety is spice of life, they always said – she couldn't care less about who is murmuring about what.

_"Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me."_

Heavy hand was laid on her shoulder; if her reflexes hadn't been dulled by the sheer amount of alcohol she drank over the course of the evening, she would probably at least flinch or roll over and prepare to fight. Now she didn't even bother to look at the owner of the hand. Maybe if she ignored them long enough, they would leave her alone.

"That would be quite enough, Lola," sounded thundering voice of her now self-assigned bodyguard. "What do you think you are doing, alcohol poisoning yourself?"

"I wouldn't take you for a psychic, James," she answered, her tongue almost in knots, making her words slurring out of her mouth. "But you got it just right! Barman!" she punched the desk in front of her. "I believe I told you to keep 'em coming!"

"Scratch that order, man," said Vega, "Commander is going with me."

It's not like Allison didn't put any resistance to being pulled out from the barstool. Not like she didn't put any fight to get herself dragged from the club. But every single one of her muscles, her senses, had been dulled by the sheer amount of alcohol she drunk that her usual strong punches had been more like friendly pats on shoulder.

The whole way back to the _Normandy_ went in a blur of colours, motions and muffled words as James dragged his completely thrashed commander to the ship. She wasn't making it any easier, stumbling over everything, giggling uncontrollably time to time, until she finally slipped from his grasp and landed on her butt with hysterical laughter. Groaning in frustration, James called the only person he knew would be on board of the _Normandy_ – and sober.

"Esteban? You think you could lend me a hand here? I've got thrashed commander here and she's getting slipperier than an eel in wash-tub filled with vaseline."

"Copy that, Vega. Send me your coordinates, and I will be there ASAP."

"Good. Sending them now." With the data transfer complete, he helped the commander to sit on the ground with her back towards the wall, so she would be at least a bit more comfortable. She was trying to hum some melody now – so far she managed to stay completely off-key and if he recognized the song correctly, also completely out of the rhythm. It would have been actually rather cute, if you didn't know that previous happenings of this had been drinking the whole bar out of liquor.

Steve arrived in record time, looking slightly out of breath but otherwise ready to assist James in relocating the drunken Commander. It was easier now, as they hooked Allison's arms around their shoulders and mostly dragged her away, while she continued to hum the song about having a lovely bunch of coconuts. Luckily, Normandy wasn't docked too far - it only took them about twenty minutes to get her back onboard, apart from EDI no one else around.

Thank God for small mercies, thought James, as they helped Commander to the elevator (the damned thing was taking forever to get to the upper floor where her room was). While whole of the crew knew what happened, it sure wouldn't help the crew morale to see their Commander so down and so thrashed. Now Allison switched from _I've got lovely bunch of coconuts_ to _Man! I feel like a woman!_ (once again quite off the key). And finally, they were in front of her quarters.

With one look at Steve he nodded and left, leaving the pilot alone with their commander, the resulting silence heavy and uncomfortable.

"Do you know what I did after Robert died?" he asked, chasing away the elephant in the room with the question Alison was probably expecting the least. She looked up abruptly when his voice sounded, as if she forgot there were two people who helped her back in her cabin, and focused her eyes on him. It was apparent she was sobering, probably quicker than she would have liked.

"I do not know, Steve," she answered, her voice quiet, with undertones of curiosity in it.

"I got drunk. Terribly drunk. Nearly alcohol-poisoned myself every day for about two weeks. My friends, Vega among them, were desperate because I just wouldn't care what happened to me. I was unable to drag myself from bed every morning – and when I did, it was only to drink myself back into it again."

"You do not have that luxury now," he added quietly. "For all of us, you need to remain strong - but," he quickly said, noticing her wanting to protest fiercely, "if you need someone to listen, I'll always be here for you, Allison."

Allison had been quiet for so long that Steve thought he overstayed his welcome, when the woman asked in chocked voice: "Do you think you could hug me? Please?"

After he did, Allison cried, and Steve held her long into the night, until she finally fell asleep.


End file.
